A Job-Interview Lunch Serves Up a Full Plate of Anxiety – and Opportunity

JOB MARKET

By Jeffrey Klineman

To some job seekers, it’s as simple a matter as not ordering anything slippery, saucy, or stinky.

But to others, it’s a complicated,

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nerve-wracking dance, the kind that might end up with them stepping on their own feet.

It’s the interview lunch — a staple of the latter stages of the job-interview process for many employers, including nonprofit organizations. And the ability to navigate this ritual could help determine a candidate’s future.

Because fund raisers and executive directors in particular need to be skilled at dealing with donors in a variety of settings, grace and composure during a formal meal are essential, says Collette Murray, chairwoman of the Association of Fundraising Professionals. “In our field, the people who are professional fund raisers constantly have to interact with donors and prospective donors in social situations,” she says. “Frankly, there are some people out there who would not get high marks on their social graces. It’s important to find that out.”

For candidates, the lunch can be a surprisingly large obstacle: It presents a chance to lose a job through unpolished manners. “People can be rude to a server, and it shows how they treat people,” Ms. Murray says. “I’ve seen people who talk with their mouth full, people who will start eating before the rest of the table is served. You want people who aren’t rude at the table. This is just a no-brainer.”

That’s not to say that diners who pick up the wine glasses to their left will find themselves automatically rejected by employers, she adds. “People are looking at the whole person,” she says. “If they’re outstanding in every other way — using the wrong fork, that’s not going to be a deal breaker.”

But showing unacceptable behavior can indeed cost a job, even when the meal might seem innocuous, says Susan P. Brown, human-resources director at the Indiana Historical Society, in Indianapolis. “We view the lunch as an important part of the process in that it provides the search committee and candidates a chance to relax a bit and interact in a setting that’s not focused so much on the position itself,” she says. “But there are candidates who have crashed and burned during the lunch, most notably a candidate who astonished us all with her frequent use of profanity.”

The Other Side of the Table

But if lunches may serve merely as a quick way for job seekers to be rejected for a position , they also can prove illuminating for applicants, who receive a valuable glimpse of the people with whom they would be working. In short, the meal puts the employer on display as much as the prospective employee, and lets the applicant know if a situation isn’t going to be a good fit.

At an interview meal serveral years ago, says David Dalena, the vice president of marketing and administration for the FleetBoston Celebrity Series, a performing-arts organization, “I knew from the moment I sat down that it wasn’t going to be the place for me. The guy I was interviewing with had a two-cocktail lunch. It was just not professional. I thought the guy was crude, frankly.”

In contrast to Mr. Dalena’s experience, other nonprofit employees say their interview meals whetted their appetites to work with their prospective bosses.

Walt Gillette, manager of individual giving at the public-radio station WAMU, in Washington, says he was impressed when his prospective employers made sure to ask him whether he had any dietary restrictions. “That spoke to me in a way that was more than words,” says Mr. Gillette, a vegetarian. “That’s something that really made me appreciate them.”

Prospective employers need to consider more than just dietary restrictions when they sit down with candidates, according to professional etiquette consultants. It is the responsibility of the host to make applicants relax enough to allow their true selves to shine through.

“Sometimes you want to surprise someone, but if you really want to find out about someone, you need to prepare them for the meal, let them know what’s going to be discussed ahead of time,” says Kay Falandys, of Cornelius, N.C., a former etiquette consultant who is now oversees solicitation of major gifts in four Southern states at Habitat for Humanity International. “You need to put them at ease to make sure the real person really comes through. You want to find out the best about who they are, and you need to put them in a position to show that.”

Candidates can also take action to make themselves feel more comfortable, according to Gloria Peterson, who has chaired fund-raising events for the American Cancer Society and Lutheran Social Services and who heads Global Protocol, a business-etiquette training company in Chicago that serves some nonprofit clients.

Ms. Peterson recommends that nervous applicants try to visit the restaurant in advance, or at least have the menu faxed to them beforehand, and she even suggests consulting an etiquette guide if they are unsure of themselves. “You should be so comfortable with your dining skills that you can focus on the purpose of the meal,” she says, “which is really the interview.”

Making the Best of Mishaps

Kathryn Gottlieb, a business student at Washington University, in St. Louis, had a model in mind for her interview lunches. She thought of her adolescent dating experiences.

“There were rules for what you ordered,” says Ms. Gottlieb, former community-events director at Catholic Charities of Chicago. “You don’t order baby back ribs, because you’re going to make a mess. You don’t order things that will make you smell bad, or be difficult to eat. You tend to stay away from them on a first date. And if someone else is paying, you don’t order the most expensive thing.”

Just as important as dining skills is the ability to recover from an awkward situation, according to Ms. Peterson. “Awkward things and mishaps are going to happen,” she says. “It’s how you handle it that’s the key to success. It’s the recovery that’s going to show how you will be able to act in front of a donor.”

Ms. Peterson describes a group dinner at which a fairly common faux pas had taken place: Someone had grabbed a wine glass from the wrong side of a place setting, throwing the whole table off and leaving the man sitting next to her, who had arrived at the table a few minutes after everyone else, without a glass.

“He sat and was obviously agitated,” she says. “His arms were folded. Finally, at one point, he couldn’t contain himself. He turned to me and said, so that everyone could hear, ‘Ma’am, do you realize you’re drinking my wine out of my glass?’”

She wasn’t, she says, but she decided it was more important to defuse the situation. “I said, ‘You know, I’m so sorry, I thought the liquids were on the left. I guess I learned it wrong. I am so sorry.’”

Another diner quickly spotted the extra glass, and passed it over.

“I took ownership of the mistake,” Ms. Peterson says. “He was going to be my dining partner all night.”

Handling the situation with aplomb was important, she says, because the man could have been a donor, or associated with board members, and keeping a good impression was critical.

“You are constantly on display,” she says, adding that fund raisers frequently will be around their superiors at social functions, so the fine behavior they show remains important to their careers. “You are constantly being watched and observed. And your skill set is there for advancement purposes. It doesn’t end at the lunch.”

What have been your best and worst experiences in interview-lunch situations? Tell us about them — and share your advice — in the Job Market online forum.