‘The New Yorker’: Unplanned Giving

By THOMAS J. BILLITTERI

Who says alumni relations are serious business? The New Yorker magazine finds the humor in university fund raising in a piece by the satirist Christopher Buckley (June 5).

Written as a mock itinerary for a 25-year college reunion, the piece skewers the development tactics that some institutions use to wrest dollars from their former students.

“10-11 a.m.: Welcome talk by President Lootin: ‘The New Millennium and How Much More of Your Money We’ll Need,”’ the agenda says. “President L. will explain what the university has been doing with the money you have already given, and why it desperately needs more despite the fact that its endowment tops seven billion dollars.”

The reunion closes with this bit of levity: “Attorneys and security personnel from Alumni Development meet with you to go over your– irrevocable — financial pledges. Once all instruments are signed (three witnesses, please!), notarized, and entered at the County Courthouse, you’ll be given back the keys to your car.”