Two Fund Raisers in the House: What Couples Say Makes It Work – or Not

Bree E. Horwitz, 27, and Ann L. Rudy, 28

Many fund raisers can’t imagine being involved with someone with the same headaches, but

Bree E. Horwitz, director of development for a National Public Radio program called Living on Earth, says an easygoing attitude can take the edge off double-duty stress. At crunch times, she says, a sense of levity is a big help for her and her partner, Ann L. Rudy, development coordinator at Health Care for All, a Boston advocacy group. “We have a great sense of humor about it, and we are both able to blow off steam pretty easily,” says Ms. Horwitz.

At museums, they enjoy scanning donor lists together, and they brainstorm playfully about ways to maximize revenue, she says. “We can come up with totally ridiculous ideas that are grounded in some framework, so it is just very creative in ways that a lot of people don’t have the benefit of,” Ms. Horwitz says.

Ms. Horwitz and Ms. Rudy, who have been partners for eight years, attend each other’s events. They say they have not faced any backlash from donors or potential donors who were surprised to meet a female partner, although when they introduce each other they are sometimes asked open-ended questions like “partner in?” Says Ms. Rudy: “Crime usually comes to mind, but I don’t usually say it.”

Mary Beth Congdon, 50, and Robert B. Congdon, 52

Mary Beth Congdon, director of planned giving at Quinnipiac University, in Hamden, Conn., says it helps her in her job to have a husband who is a fund raiser and a skilled socializer. She is married to Robert B. Congdon, vice president for development and public relations at United Methodist Homes, in Shelton. “My husband is very naturally good at parties and receptions and interested in people, so it’s not a job for him to come to an event with me or to come to a lecture,” she says. “He really enjoys it, and enjoys meeting people.”

Susan Sealy, 34, and Spencer F. Sealy, 37

Susan Sealy, director of development at Florida State University’s College of Human Sciences, says her spouse is an asset at fund-raising dinners and other events in part because he works for the same university. Spencer F. Sealy is director of development at the College of Business. “Even though he is there as my husband and is not there working, he is still knowledgeable,” she says, “and can contribute to my call.”

They relocated together from Georgia to take the jobs at Florida State three years ago, and the experience has been overwhelmingly positive, Ms. Sealy says. “They have bent over backwards to treat us as individuals,” she says. “I didn’t feel like they wanted him and they were just taking me, or vice versa.”

Kathryn J. Hedgepeth, 55, and Royster C. Hedgepeth, 57

Royster C. Hedgepeth, vice president of philanthropy at the Naismith Memorial Basketball Hall of Fame, in Springfield, Mass., met his second wife at a conference for fund raisers. “It’s really beneficial to have someone who understands what it is you’re trying to do and who understands the stress, the pressure, the joy that can come from being involved in philanthropy,” says Mr. Hedgepeth, acknowledging that his heavy travel schedule put added pressure on an already strained relationship with his first wife, a schoolteacher.

He and his second wife, Kathryn J. Hedgepeth, director of the western regional office of the Massachusetts chapter of the Alzheimer’s Association, have a better sense of the nuances of each other’s lives, says Mr. Hedgepeth. His greatest moments as a fund raiser come when donors thank his institution for enabling them to make a gift and thereby make an important contribution to society. His wife, he says, can empathize with him. “It is exciting being able to share the understanding of the profession,” he says.

Still, Mr. Hedgepeth is constantly traveling for work, often at great distances, and Ms. Hedgepeth often travels closer to home. That and the long hours, he says, “stress any relationship.”

Carol Helmus, 33, and D. Mark Helmus, 38

During her maternity leave from the Indianapolis Museum of Art in 1999, Carol Helmus, a fund raiser, decided to quit her job. One reason was that she and her husband, D. Mark Helmus, director of development and major gifts at Franklin College of Indiana, believed it was best for their baby and older son to have a parent at home. But another reason, they say, is that it was difficult for two fund raisers to find enough time for family.

“There were often weeks when someone was gone three or four nights,” says Ms. Helmus. When her first child was sick, it was not easy to miss work at the expense of donor meetings that had taken a lot of effort to set up, and she imagined it would be even harder with two children.

Frequent evening and weekend work added to the challenge of having two fund-raising professionals in the family. “They’re not easily 9-to-5 jobs,” says Mr. Helmus. “It was obviously stressful.” And fund-raiser salaries did not help, as housekeepers and frequent restaurant meals — which could have eased the couple’s burden — were not in their budget.

Ms. Helmus asked herself: “Is it really worth working?” And she decided it was not — at least until her children are in elementary school, when she will consider a part-time job in fund raising.