July 17, 2018 | Read Time: 7 minutes
Raising big gifts can feel at times like dating, fundraisers say.
Some people you’re looking to date string you along. They meet up with you; they always return your calls; they seem to like you. And yet they don’t make a commitment.
In fundraising, some prospective donors do the same thing. They send all the signals that they are going to make a large gift, but never do.
It’s like a dance, says Jennifer Berges, senior development officer at the University of Minnesota at Duluth. Berges says she’s “danced” with some big-donor prospects for a long time, only to come away empty-handed.
Some prospects regularly attend events, meet over coffee, lunch, or even dinner, and listen politely to gift requests, all without following through. Berges says its prompts the question: “OK, how long am I going to let myself be in this relationship with this person?”
Why do some people lead fundraisers on? Some prospective donors may like the attention they receive from fundraisers, or see a gift officer as more a friend than a professional acquaintance. They may go to a charity’s events to socialize and be seen, not to be philanthropic. Or they may not want disappoint a fundraiser by saying they can’t give right now.
But how long should a fundraiser pursue a potential big donor? What are the signs that indicate whether someone is serious or not about making a gift? When should you break off the noncommittal relationship, and how do you do so gracefully?
‘No’ Is OK
It’s easy to understand why fundraisers get caught in the trap of chasing someone who will never make a sizable donation.
Fundraisers spend a long time building relationships with prospective donors, and they want that work to pay off, Berges says. Sometimes fundraisers aren’t honest with themselves about certain prospects, she says. “You know, deep down in your heart, they’re probably never going to make a major gift, and it hurts you because you’ve already invested all this time.”
Some fundraisers don’t want to hear “no,” so they avoid asking for a gift altogether, says Phil Hills, president of Marts & Lundy, a fundraising consultancy. “They just keep waiting until they think it’s the right time to ask to get a ‘yes,’ ” prolonging a relationship that might not bear fruit, Hills says.
Hearing “no” is not a bad thing, says Richard Walker, a fundraising consultant at Orr Associates. “It usually means ‘not now,’ ” he says. “It doesn’t mean a relationship might not be fruitful in the future.”
When fundraisers get a “no,” at least they know where they stand, Walker says. “ ‘No’ is a better answer than nothing at all because at least if you get a ‘no’ for this particular campaign, you can move on to the next donor and not waste any more time trying to figure it out.”
Signs and Signals
There is no magic formula to determine whether a donor is actually going to make a big gift, but there are some helpful indicators, says Patricia House, executive vice president of client and consultant development at Graham-Pelton Consulting, a global fundraising and nonprofit management firm.
For instance, when prospects have no track record of giving, they are probably less likely to give than others who already donate to various causes. A lack of giving in the past might be a signal that a person isn’t “philanthropically inclined,” she says.
If a donor is evasive about a big gift, that’s another sign, Walker says. Or if they don’t take your follow-up calls.
Hills says a fundraiser should figure out within the first 18 months of courting a prospect whether that person is interested in making a big gift at some point, even if it’s well into the future. “If you don’t know what they’re doing within 18 months, then either you’re doing something wrong or they’re not interested,” he says.
If a prospect has the ability to give but hasn’t done so, a fundraiser’s goal should be to determine whether it’s a “matter of if or a matter of when” they are going to make a big gift, says Matthew Ryan, associate vice president of central development at Georgia Tech. “If it’s a matter of when, then you’ve got to be patient,” he says.
Ryan advises giving priority attention to prospects that seem inclined to make a large gift sooner rather than later. If donors say they need more time, you can always circle back to them, he says. Sometimes they’ll reach out to you when they’re ready, he adds.
Being Candid
If you’re unsure about a prospect’s intentions, it’s often best to be upfront with them, fundraisers say.
Ryan says he’s often grown close enough to actual and prospective donors that it doesn’t feel awkward to be direct with them about their intentions. “I’ve built relationships where I can be candid, and they are accepting and understand that,” Ryan says.
If you’ve established a good relationship, House suggests asking questions along these lines:
- On your current list of philanthropic priorities, where does our organization fall?
- Can you give me a time frame for when you anticipate you’ll be in a position to give to us?
- Is there anything that keeps you from sharing your financial support of our efforts?
Hills echoes the notion that a candid conversation may be needed. A fundraiser might ask directly how large a gift the prospect could make and what projects are of the greatest interest. “If they can’t answer either one of those questions, then they aren’t really thinking a lot about making a gift to you,” he says.
Hills suggests that when it comes to that point, fundraisers should notify a supervisor and consult with colleagues about the next steps to take.
Fundraisers should keep in mind that it’s hard for some prospective donors to say “no” because they don’t want to disappoint, Walker says. “I wish we could get donors to be more honest sometimes.”
He suggests telling prospects that seem reluctant that it’s fine if they can’t make a big gift right now. That might create an opening for prospects to be honest, he says, which they may appreciate.
Walker suggests saying something like: “If this isn’t the right time for us, that’s fine, that’s great. We hope you’ll consider doing something with us in the future.”
Breaking Away
If a prospect keeps meeting with you but never gives a gift, then you should start to back away, says Amy Funk, vice president of Ter Molen Watkins & Brandt, a fundraising consulting firm.
“I would be much more likely to keep a cordial level of contact with [the prospect], but not invest any additional effort in trying to get them to make a major gift,” says Funk, who’s raised money for an opera, the YMCA of Metro Chicago, and other nonprofits.
Unlike dating, there’s usually no official breakup, fundraisers say.
As Berges puts it: “It’s not like I call the donor and say, ‘OK, we’re done!’ ”
Her tactic is similar to what some people in the dating world call “ghosting.” She says: “You just slowly disengage,” inviting them to fewer events, taking them out to fewer lunches and dinners.
At her college, Berges says, the prospects will likely continue to get direct-mail appeals, and if they give small gifts each year, will still be invited to events for annual donors. Her goal is also to keep donors and prospects connected with the organization — through volunteering, alumni events, or sports, rather than just through the development office. The ideal is that “their relationship is with the institution and not with me as the development officer,” she says. Because of that, many of them may not notice that they are being invited to fewer events.
If they do, Berges tries to have a response ready. For instance, she might explain that some events are only for particular types of donors — people new to the area perhaps, or those who have made gifts of a certain size.
Hills agrees backing away slowly is usually the best. You don’t necessarily need to tell donors that you’re going to be seeing less of them, he says. “Most of the time it’s a fade away and not a walk away.”
Walker says that with certain prospects, he’s continued to meet with them outside of work, even if they can’t make a gift. “We’ve now determined it’s no longer a business relationship,” he says.
In other words, they’ve remained friends.
